Once someone takes a stand on something or goes on record in favor of a position, they prefer to stick to it. When someone makes a choice actively – a choice that’s spoken out loud or written down or otherwise made explicit – it is considerably more likely to shape that person’s future actions than the same choice left unspoken. Psychology experiments bear this out, according to Professor Robert Cialdini in his best-selling book, Influence: Science and Practice.
An application of this principle comes in the workplace when a manager wants to influence one of their staff to take a particular course of action: they should get their staff member to put their commitment in writing. For instance, if you are a manager and you want an employee to submit progress reports more promptly and reliably, once you think you have obtained their agreement, ask the person to summarize the agreed decision in a memo or email and send it to you. By doing this, you will greatly improve the chances of that person fulfilling the commitment because people generally live up to what they have written down.
Research in psychology suggests that written statements become even more powerful when they are made public. You can take this example a step further: if you respond to the same person’s email with a message along lines similar to this, you will strengthen their commitment – “I think your plan is just what we need. I showed it to Sue in production and Bill in marketing, and they thought it was right on target, too.”
This concept is also used in fundraising where people make written pledges to give a certain regular amount to the cause. That written pledge is a semi-public commitment.
A couplet by Samuel Butler explains why commitments must be voluntary to be lasting and effective:
He that complies against his will
Is of his own opinion still.
If an undertaking is forced, coerced or imposed from outside, it is not a commitment: it’s an unwelcome burden.
Returning to the example of the tardy employee: if you want to produce an enduring change in their behavior, you should avoid using threats or pressure tactics to gain their compliance. A better approach is to identify something that the employee genuinely values in the workplace – team spirit, perhaps – and then describe how timely reports are consistent with those values. That gives the employee reasons for improvement that he can own. And because he owns them, they will continue to guide his behavior even when you are not watching.
Do you ever say you’re going to do something and then “I’ll do it later” becomes never getting around to it. If you’re like most people, you fail at honoring your commitments in small ways. You do this through your life and although it is often unintentional, it comes at a cost. You do one of the following:
All of this might seem harmless done once or twice. But little things done repeatedly have a big impact on our lives. When you don’t honor a commitment that you’ve made to yourself or someone else, it’s a message to your subconscious mind.What you say can’t be trusted, that your word doesn’t mean much.
It prevents you from achieving your goals and eventually causes people not to trust you or think you’re worthless. And just as bad – you lose respect for yourself.
On the other hand, honoring your commitments gives the words that come out of your mouth power. They actually mean something. Honoring your commitments can simply be defined as: You do what you say you’re going to do when you say you’re going to do it. Despite its simplicity, there’s great power to be found in doing what you say you will.
“Like anything else in life, this takes practice. You will always have times when you are not able to be impeccable with your word. But as the words that come out of your mouth and physical reality start to align. You tap into the power to speak things into existence. You start to take control of designing your life,” says writer, author and consultant Srini Rao in a 2019 article.
When you complain unproductively, you seek to soothe your anger by criticizing another. You might attack the person you blame for your problem or even criticize them to third parties. Your goal is to prove that you have been wronged. You repeat your story over and over. You end up full of negative assessments and righteous indignation.
When you confront productively, you seek to restore coordination, trust, and integrity. You address the person directly. Your goal is to repair the task, the relationship, and the hurt. You confront only once, and you follow through to resolution. At best, you end up with a new agreement that closes the matter. At worse, you realize that your counterpart is not trustworthy and you can responsibly decide what you want to do about it.
Here are three steps for a productive complaint, recommended by Fred Kofman, Vice President of Leadership Development at Google:
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